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Eyes Squinting Open

I’ve always had a passion for foster care/adoption. On a personal note, my mother grew up in the system for much of her young life, and that, coupled with my pro-life beliefs, inspired me to care for children in the community who were unable, for whatever reason, to be with their biological family.

At least… in theory. It was easy when I lived in a tiny apartment in DC to say “Oh yeah, I’m passionate about foster care. One day when I have space, I’ll totally do that.” It’s been more of a challenge since moving to the state of New York and having a two bedroom apartment to face the fact that ready or not, I was able. I keep thinking “I’m not ready to be a parent! I’m not ready to be a parent!” …. And that’s true. I’m selfish and lazy and I abhor pants on the weekends so much that when I order pizza(since I’m too lazy to cook) I’m a little bitter that I have to put on pants to receive the food that is being brought to my house. Everyday I have to bargain with myself to make myself get out of bed and go to work. I’m not ready to be a parent. I’m not ready to be a parent. I’m not ready….

But those innocent kids stuck in the system through no fault of their own? They’re not ready to be alone. To lack stability. To be stripped away from the only family they’ve known and bounced around. And when I compare the reality that they’re lacking for the most basic things I take for granted, suddenly I’m not ready to be a parent sounds very hollow.

I have a lot of work to do on myself. But I’ve heard the horror stories, and I know that I can provide something that so many of these kids need. And they need a home a lot more than I need to sleep in on weekends, or to not wear pants.

My goal is to buy a house in the area in the next year or two. There are a couple I’m in love with right now, but I’m in a year lease, and I don’t have a down payment yet. This year is all about changing that last fact. Hard-core savings. Woot!

In the meantime my orientation meeting for foster care is June 10th. I’ll know more after that, but my hope is to get the process of the home-study started so that I’m not six months into having a house before I can receive a placement.

Last month I spent time with my sister’s offspring, ages baby-10. I tried to tell them the secret that no one ever admits– that there’s no such thing as a grown-up; simply people who are faking it because that’s what they think they’re supposed to do. They didn’t believe me and when they asked for proof, the only thing I could come up with was that I was an adult and therefore I knew these things. It was a bad argument to prove my point and they weren’t convinced.

I may not be a grown-up, and grown-ups may not actually even exist, but it’s long-past time for me to *grow* up.


currently reading: The Things They Carried, Tim O’Brien
quote of the day: “We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” ~ C.S. Lewis



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